well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
