Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
