i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
