looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
