so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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