The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
