I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm determined to sit on that face.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
