Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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