Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
