They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
