I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
