Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
