That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
