But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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