You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
