he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
