I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
