He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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