So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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