dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
