Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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