We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
