If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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