I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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