my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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