final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
