some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no you cant smoke seaweed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
