so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
