My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
