she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
