We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I AM VODKA MAN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just gargled with NyQuil
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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