they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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