Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
