She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
