Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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