She announced her abortion via fbk
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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