so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my being single is dangerous.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
