this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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