i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
