Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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