Umm I'm too high to move.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
