I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
