I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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