We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
