i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
