I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
smell my finger.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
