Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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