I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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