I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
