How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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