He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
